Let me be candid- it’s been a shitty week. Not pregnancy related (well, maybe my hormones are playing a role in the emotional aspect of it), thank goodness, but shitty nonetheless. I’m not use to being super emotional or sensitive, and that’s how I’ve been feeling this week….and I don’t like it one bit. It all started last Friday and continued on. I’ll simply list a few bullet points, as each point could be a whole novel post in itself and I don’t want to be that much of a Debbie Downer.
- I caught a couple of good friends (or at least who I consider to be good friends…not sure nowadays how they are feeling) in lies. I use to be a liar, honestly, but I moved past that years and years ago and now I despise it. I have a hard time trusting people to start with, so when I catch people in lies it’s like it completely changes my relationship with them. I don’t feel like I can be as close. I don’t want to share information with them. I question everything they say. I envision them talking about me behind my back…like I’m the punch line to a horrible joke. It’s awful. So catching these people really disappointed me and hurt me. And I don’t know how to move on- do I confront them and ask for an apology? Do I just ignore it and slowly back away? I really don’t know how to handle it….but as of today I’m done crying over it.
- My family thanksgiving was ruined (my side of the family….hubby’s side of the family is awesome and we had a great t-day)….mainly because my mom is kinda crazy. We planned to celebrate t-day on Saturday since Chris and I were out of town on t-day with his family (we do this every year). We show up at my parent’s house on Saturday…..and no other family shows up. And they never had planned to, as they had already celebrated t-day with the fam (unbeknownst to me). All day I kept being told “they should be here soon,” when everyone except me and Chris knew they were never coming. Again- straight lied to…from my mom. Repeatedly.
- I’m feeling pretty isolated. I don’t feel like I get invited to do things anymore…..friends rarely call to make plans or catch up or even see how I’m doing…..people bail on me….I try to make plans with people and it’s pulling teeth to get them to commit….etc etc. This one I’m pretty emotional about….and I’m sure my hormones are playing a role. Part of it is my own fault, I’m sure. I’ve ALWAYS put the majority of the effort into my relationships. I’m the one who calls…texts..makes plans. I’m the one who will drive an hour out of my way to make things easier on the other person just so we can hang out. I’m the giver and always have been. And now I’m tired. And I don’t drink. And I can’t hang out til 1am without needing to lay down. And I don’t want to do all the driving anymore. And I’m tired of being told no or being bailed on, so I don’t ask to make plans as much. I thought MAYBE people would start to meet me in the middle or even (heaven forbid) make more effort now that I’m huge pregnant and have so much to do and so little energy….but that hasn’t happened. It’s disappointing and it makes me sad. And it makes me feel like a fool for working so hard on relationships in the past when they obviously weren’t that important to the other parties. And it makes me mad that when I could use some time and attention and fn help, so many people have disappeared on me. PLEASE NOTE- I have ALSO had some people crawl out of the woods to check on me…and offer help….and do sweet things for me, so this is not everyone in my life.
- I’m suppose to have my last baby shower this weekend, but looks like the weather is going to fuck that one up. This upsets me for mainly two reasons: 1. there are several people from out of town (like 3 hours away) that are planning on coming that won’t be able to make it now…..and if it’s rescheduled it’ll most likely be pretty close to X-mas and they probably won’t be able to come. I rarely get to see these good people and have really been looking forward to just some good, genuine people to hang out with. 2. I am REALLY ready to be completely done with my nursery and baby-prep….and I’m waiting until the last shower is over with before I buy some key items that I still don’t have. This is just me being a little OCD, I know, but it bugs me. Plus, what if I end up on bed rest or something in a few weeks and can’t go to Tulsa to Buy Buy Baby to finish up my list?!? Damn weather.
So that’s it….and now I’m done stressing about it all and I’m done crying about it all. And now we can talk about the good stuff going on!
Baby is the size of a butternut squash! At less than two months to go, baby weighs in at about 4.2 to 5.8 pounds and measures about 17.2 to 18.7 inches. By week 34, he’s recognizing and reacting to simple songs, if you’re singing them. If you’re not singing to him, start…he may find those songs soothing after birth.
The Baby Center says that she is about the size of a cantaloupe..which I like better than butternut squash. =) It also says (and doc mentioned this to me this week) that babies born this week and after have THE SAME PERCENT CHANCE OF SURVIVAL as babies born at 40 weeks (full term). This makes me so incredibly happy. Of course I want her to stay in my belly for a few more weeks, but it’s nice to know that each week is just kind-of icing on the cake as far as survival goes.
How far along? 34 weeks- 6 weeks left! Doc Gorman DID say that I should expect to be pregnant on my due date, as baby seems really comfy. =)
Total weight gain: +12lbs. When I went to my appointment on Tuesday (which was 2 weeks past my last appt), I fully expected to be up at least 2 lbs…maybe even 5 lbs. Why? Because I LITERALLY ate almost a whole batch of iced sugar cookies for Thanksgiving. And pie. And cake. And tons of food. I always expect to gain weight at my appointments, but this appointment I was SURE I was going to be in trouble for gaining too much. And what did the scale say? +0 lbs. I was shocked!
Maternity clothes? Currently in my work-from-home gear (yoga pants and big t-shirt), but anytime I leave the house I’m in maternity clothes….and I love them.
Stretch marks? A few light ones….I think I may have a couple around my belly button? I can’t really tell cause it’s so light…
Sleep: Fuck no. I miss it terribly. People need to tell pass on the word to sleep when you are TTC, not when you are pregnant! People always say “sleep now before the baby comes,” and I just want to say “As if that’s possible! Why didn’t people tell me this when I was TTC?”
Best moment this week: Getting my house in shape. We had our carpets shampood this week….which meant that all the furniture/etc had to be moved out of their rooms. While that was done, I super-cleaned and organized the house. It totally wore me out and I totally overdid it, but now I feel great about it. And about bringing Baby Hott into it. =) We also rearranged our bedroom in order to make room for the pack-n-play that little bit will sleep in for the first few weeks. I don’t love the new lay-out, but it’s functional….and super clean. =) Oh…and one more best moment….I got to spend some time with some dear friends who I don’t see very often. And it was great. It’s almost like it hits a ‘reset’ button on me and makes me feel normal again somehow…if that makes sense? It’s just so nice to have those friends who you can see as often or as little as life provides, yet they are always the same…always consistent…always loyal and kind and good. Always there when you need them. Love them.
Miss Anything? Sleeping. Hanging out with friends.
Movement: Every time I sit down. I can feel her stretch from my abs to my bladder (she’s still breach, btw- details below), which is weird. When she flutters her feet around my bladder I feel like I’m going to pee myself and have to run to the bathroom…it’s so weird. I love it, though.
Food cravings: My SIL’s homemade sugar cookies. Penguin Ed’s BBQ. Catfish Hole (which I am so excited to get to go to next week, plus I get to meet up with a good friend there)
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope
Gender prediction: Girl girl girl! Thank God
Labor Signs: I get Braxton Hicks contractions every day now…..my entire, huge belly tightens up like crazy…..but it’s not painful.
Symptoms: Fatigue, VERY frequent urination, sciatic nerve pain, shortness of breath. And an emotional state of mind.
Belly Button in or out? I’m gonna call it ‘flat’ now. Totally weird.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Sad week
Looking forward to: Finishing some things up around the house while we are iced in….hopefully all major stuff will be done by this time next week!
Next appointment: December 16th. I will be 36 weeks along and this appointment will be the start of my weekly checks for dilation/etc. Like I said above, Baby Hott is still breach (head up, feet down)….and for those of you who don’t know this, if baby stays breach then you HAVE to have a c-section. Doctor G said it’s still very likely that she can flip this week or next…but after that she won’t really have any room to flip. He’s going to check her position on the 16th….and if she’s still breach then Chris and I have to decide if we want to just schedule a c-section or have Dr. G try to manually, externally flip her in the womb (using ultrasound to guide him while he pushes around on my stomach). As of today (which can change at any moment), I’m leaning towards just scheduling a c-section….for these reasons:
- I’ve heard the external flip is VERY painful and doesn’t always work
- There is no guarantee that once she flips she won’t flip back
- There is no guarantee that even if she DOES flip head-down that I’ll be able to delivery vaginally anyway. Things happen all the time that require a c-section (baby gets distressed, my blood pressure could go up, I could get pre-eclampsia, etc etc)
- If I have a c-section, I get to schedule it ahead of time (you know I’m a planner!)
- If I have a c-section, I get to pick which doctor at Parkhill I want to do the procedure
- My vagina. Enough said.
That being said, if Doc tells me he would rather me do the flip for xyz reasons, I’ll listen and could change my mind. I may also change my mind if he tells me that a c-section could affect breast-feeding or anything like that. We will see! Good news it that I’m just going with the flow. There are good perks to BOTH a vaginal delivery and a c-section, so I’m just gonna see what happens. Who knows, she may have already flipped today! If anyone has input/thoughts on this, please feel free to share!