4 Months?!? How did that happen?

As I see my little tit-sucker napping in the baby monitor, I’m in awe.  How is it that she’s already 4 months old?  How is it possible that a third of a year has passed us by since she joined us?  Where is the time going?  I have days where I think 6pm (when hubby gets home) will never get here….and then I have weeks that fly by in the blink of an eye.  It’s overwhelming if I think too much about it…I hate the thought of Fin growing up too fast!

We have had a very eventful last month or so.   A few things:

  • We took a trip to Eastern TX/Dallas for over a week (with the baby, of course).  Traveling with a baby is tough!  First of all, we drive any long distances (more than 3 hours) at night so that Finley will sleep.  This works well, except that we are tired and end up unpacking into hotels in the middle of the night.  Fun.  Secondly, having a baby in a hotel room for any amount of time really isn’t that fun.  You have to be quiet after bedtime…you rush to quiet her any time she fusses….you know there are nasty germs everywhere…I could go on and on.  Luckily, Finley did great and slept well and behaved herself while we were there.  She was a little needy…and gassy (probably from me having to eat out every meal)..but she did better than we expected for sure.  When we got home, though, she was awful!  It took a full 3 days to get her back on track with her sleeping/napping/etc….it was rough. Makes me want to keep her home!
  • I had my first Mother’s Day!  Chris totally surprised me and bought me a beautiful garnet (Fin’s birthstone) necklace for Mother’s Day.  He’s really not much into buying jewelry (at all), so it was a big surprise.  I love it!
  • We put our house up on the market…and we have had a bazillion showings so far (but no offers…boooo).  I’m so happy to have it listed, but MAN it’s tough working from home with a baby and two dogs and having to clean up and clear out any time a showing gets scheduled (which lately is every day).  It’s exhausting.  Hopefully this baby will sell fast!

That’s the main stuff.  In fact, it’s all I can think of right now. I need to start writing down post-its when I think of stuff I want to blog, because by the time I actually have any time to do it I’m rushed and just trying to remember whatever I can!

Before I get to the monthly update on Fin, just wanted to put it out there for you all to please send me your good vibes/prayers/energy/whatever.  I’m completely overwhelmed with at the moment and don’t really see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Working from home with a baby is really hard, and the help I thought I’d have just hasn’t been around.  And that’s ok, but I need to move on to Plan B because between work, Finley, keeping the house up for showings and having to come and go every day I don’t have anything left to give.  I’m exhausted and trying to hold on here, people!  I think one answer is to find someone who can come over a couple of days a week and watch Finely for me while I work.  I’ve registered on Care.Com to try to find someone, but if you know of anyone (or are someone) who may be interested, please let me know!  I’d even take her to someone else’s house if needed, I just don’t want her in a daycare at this time (not that there is anything wrong with that, I’m just not ready for that yet).  So….let me know if you know anyone.  And pray this house sells quickly, that would help too.

And now..without further adui….the 4 month update:


Fin 4 month close-up

What are your stats and what does the doctor say?

At your 4 month appointment you weighed 13lbs and 14 oz (56th percentile) and were 25 3/4 inches long (94th percentile).  I’m still in shock that you are lean and mean and not a fat baby!  I mean come on, you started off over 9 lbs, so I just assumed you would continue to fatten up!  I was wrong, though, and it appears for now that you take after your daddy (a good thing when it comes to body type for sure).  Doctor said you are perfect.

What are you eating?

You are still a breastfed baby, and you have gotten to be quite the efficient feeder.  You use to feed for 15-20 minutes, and now you are done in 7-14 on average.  You get in and out quickly most of the time, although at night you prefer to be lazy and take your time (which I don’t mind).  You recently tried some cereal for the first time, but you weren’t too impressed.  That’s ok with me- we’re not in a rush to get you on solids (makes it way easier on momma since I have your food on tap AND don’t have to wash real-food diapers yet).

When do you eat and sleep?

During the day you eat every 3ish hours (I generally sit in the recliner, although I’ve had to nurse in the car, in a restroom, in a food court, etc), and at night you usually wake up once (between 3am and 6am) to eat as well.  You nap (if we are home) in your crib..usually 3-4 times a day.

What do your routines look like?

Eat, Play, Sleep (per BabyWise) is still what we are trying to follow.  A typical day looks like this:

  • Wake up around 6am and eat and go right back to sleep
  • Wake up around 9am and eat.  Play on the floor/in the bouncy seat til around 10:30 or 11 and then take a 1-1.5 hour nap
  • Wake up at noon and eat.  Run errands/take a walk/back in the bouncer til around 2, then a nap for an hour
  • Wake up at 3 and eat…then more play time and another 30-45 minute nap
  • Wake up at 6 and eat.  Then we hang with daddy…take a bath…maybe a walk if we didn’t earlier (mommy is trying to get some exercise, obviously)…read some books, etc.  Little catnap after this until you wake up
  • Last feeding of the day is around 9pm…then straight back to bed.  Finley sometimes wakes up around 12 or 1 (if she didn’t eat well or has gas or something) to eat again, then straight back to sleep

This schedule isn’t terrible for her age AT ALL, but if you have her 24/7 and are also trying to work it’s exhausting.

 What size clothes and diapers are you wearing?

Onesies and shirts and dresses are all 3 months or 3-6 months, but pants (because of her cloth diaper ghetto-booty) and one piece outfits with legs on them (because of her height) have to be 6 months.  I actually REALLY need to go through her closet this weekend and pack up all of the ‘too small’ stuff that is still in there (kinda makes me sad).  As for diapers, all of the cloth diapers we have are one size (fit from now until she’s out of diapers since they adjust).  If she needs a disposable on, she’s in a 2.

What are some things you love?

You love to stand up ALL.THE.TIME.  You love to bounce in your little bouncy chair/jumper thing (video on instagram if you are interested).  You love to grab stuff and put it directly into your mouth as far as you can.  You love to be man-handled and scared so that you laugh.  You love to roll from your belly to your back.  You love screens (phones/tvs/etc).  You love being outside (as long as you are not hot).  You love our dogs.  You love your lovies.  You love attention.

What are some things you don’t love?

You HATE diaper changes in the middle of the night.  You hate waiting on mommy to feed you once you decide you are hungry.  You don’t enjoy being held like a baby/cuddled unless you are really tired and ready to sleep.  You don’t like getting to your belly and not being able to flip over right away (sometimes you forget how to flip back over).  You hate getting out of the bathtub.  And you hate getting hot (like your parents).  TEETHING.  OMG we are in the midst of it….you are drooling non-stop….chewing on anything/everything…crabby…and restless.  Can’t wait for those teethers to pop through!

What can you do?

You have really progressed a lot this month.  You started rolling from belly to back at 8 weeks, and at 15 you started rolling from your back to your belly.  You are so proud of yourself!  As soon as you are put down on your back you flip over…it’s so funny.  You are so strong it’s ridiculous!  You are already trying to crawl and get your butt up in the air like you are going somewhere.  It’s comical.  You are really good at grabbing things now (and putting them right into your mouth), although sometimes I wish you were not (like when you get my hair or daddy’s beard).  You can converse if you are in the mood for it…we’ve talked back and forth for several minutes several different times…it’s so fun!

Who has visited and watched you?

We don’t really get many visitors, but we’ve done some visiting (you did meet your great Aunt/cousins in TX)….and only mom and dad have been watching you.

What are we looking forward to in the next month?

June looks to be a pretty busy month. Besides the normal craziness of the week that we currently have, we also have an open house coming up….our 8 year anniversary…a weekend with some friends…Father’s Day…a trip to Russellville to see Gran and Pops….it’ll be a good one!

Fin 4 month grinFin 4 month chewing on dogFinley 4 months smiles and pulling dress Fin on diaper changing pad

Categories: Baby, Family, Friends, Kids, Love of my life, Teeth | Tags: , , , , | 7 Comments

3 months

I should probably wait to write this update since I’m in a really foul mood and all, but who knows when I’ll have another little bit of time to dedicate to this…so I might as well get it in while I can.  I’m not going to go into the whole story about why I’m sitting here crying at my desk, but let’s just say that I’ve OFFICIALLY learned that I can’t count on the two people (besides my hubby) in my life who I always thought I could count on most. It’s irritating and frustrating and all that, but mostly it’s just sad and disappointing.    I guess I always just expected my friends and family to be there for me…especially when I ask for help…and even more so when they say they will be…but obviously I’m wrong to have those expectations.  Chris just looked at me this afternoon and was like “are you surprised?”  I wasn’t.  Just sad.  But I won’t be again, because I won’t set myself up to be disappointed, at least with these two.  The flip side to this is that I have had several friends and family come out of the woodwork over the past few months- cooking meals/offering help/having us over/coming to visit/etc.  It’s been very surprising and I’ve learned a lot about the loving and giving nature of a select few.  It’s saved me, really….at least my sanity.  And it’s taught me that I’m not the bad guy for having expectations within my relationships…because some people will meet and even exceed them if you let them in.  I’m learning, trust me!

Things in our world are very, very crazy and busy at the moment.  Finley turned 3 months old yesterday, which blows my mind.  Isn’t she cute?

Fin 3 months leaning over laughing Finley 3 months great pic Finley 3 months laughing Finley 3 months pretty Finley 3 months squint eyes

We have also decided to list our house, which is totally exciting, yet totally stressful.  I wouldn’t stress over it too much, but there are a few things that need done before it goes up (May 1st) and it’s really hard to get said things done when I’m working, watching a 3 month old and going out of town every weekend.  Let’s just say that I have a LOT to do this week and I have no idea how I’m going to get it all done.  Keep your fingers crossed for me, because I need all the luck I can get!  The other stressful part of having the house up is that I’ll have to have the house uncluttered with baby stuff and be gone (remember that I work from home..with an infant and two dogs) whenever they show the house.  Ugh.  It’s gonna be a long few weeks if this thing doesn’t sell quickly!  Again, cross your fingers for us!

This past weekend we took our first big road trip with the baby, and she did great!  We went to Dallas for a wedding reception, and we had a great time.  Fin doesn’t generally do too well in the car, so we left out Thursday night around 8pm and drove straight through…and she slept the entire time.  When we got to the hotel we unpacked and I fed her and she went right back to sleep until 9am…she was perfect!  The reception/party was a lot of fun, and we got a lot of compliments on how well-behaved Finley was the whole time.  I said thanks, but I also let them know that it was just a good day and that she wasn’t always THAT good.  =)  I decided to drive us back Saturday night (10pm to 4 am) vs waiting til Sunday as well, and I’m glad I did…Fin and her drunk daddy slept the whole way home.  =)

My biggest news this month is a big deal to me- we finally paid off all of our debt.  For the first time in I don’t even KNOW how long (I’m guessing 10+ years), we are debt free.  I paid off my 4 runner this month, and we paid off the last of our private loan that we took out about a year ago to pay off credit card debt.  The only thing we owe on now is our house.  Crap…I guess that means we aren’t really debt free?  I don’t really count the house.  Is that fair?  LOL.  I can’t even explain to you the relief and freedom that I feel at this moment!  Whoo hoo!

Now for the monthly round-up…

What are your stats and what does the doctor say?

We have not been to the doctor or checked her stats since our 2 month appointment, so I have no idea.  She looks like she has ‘filled out’ some, so I’m guessing she’s around 12.5-13 lbs currently (just a guess).  She’s healthy and happy from all I can tell!

Fin in Dallas outside

What are you eating?

Finley is still exclusively breastfed at this point.  I’m still not doing dairy at this point, but I may start adding some back in here and there to see how she reacts to it.  There are two changes this month- 1) Fin seems to get distracted during some of her feeds.  She’ll be munching along, and then she’ll detach suddenly and turn her head (this does NOT feel good at all).  Then she’ll reattach and do the whole thing over again…and again…and again.  I’ve read about it online and this can be caused by a dozen different things (getting too much milk at once/not getting enough milk/curiosity to surroundings/tired/gassy/full), which sucks because who knows which one!  I generally just pick her up, try to burp her and then switch sides.  When she starts it up again on the other side, we’re done and cut her off for a while. Seems to be working ok.  2) Fin is eating a lot more efficiently, which means it takes much less time.  What use to be a 30 minute feeding on 1 side is now 15-20 minutes.  I like that.

When do you eat and sleep?

During the day Finley eats about every 3 hours. At night, it’s somewhere between 6 and 9 hours now (yay!).  Naps during the day (there are about 4 of them) range from about 30 minutes to 1.5 hours depending on the time. She naps and sleeps in her crib, swaddled, for the most part.  Sometimes I’ll let her nap near me on her belly (she loves that).

What do your routines look like?

We are still doing the Baby Wise method of eat-wake-sleep.  Our schedule has tweaked some…..

  • Wake at 7:30-8am and feed
  • Play (tummy time/lay around and kick/swing time/etc) for about an hour
  • Nap
  • 10:30- wake from nap and feed
  • Play
  • Nap
  • 1:30- wake from nap and feed
  • Play
  • Nap
  • 4:30- wake from nap and feed
  • Play
  • Nap
  • 7:00- wake from nap and feed
  • Bath/Story time/etc
  • 9- feed and straight to bed
  • Only one nighttime feed now..usually sometime between 3 and 6

What size clothes and diapers are you wearing?

Clothing is mainly 3-6 months at this point, especially anything that covers her bum since we are doing cloth diapers.  Disposables are a size 2, but we’re not using those currently.  The cloth diapers are going well (details in a later post) and we currently have them snapped up to their smallest size.

Baby Bumble Bee Fin

What are some things you love?

This really depends on what time of day it is.  If we are talking about morning time (anytime before 1, actually), Fin enjoys laying down and kicking…sitting up in her little monkey chair…swinging…pretty much anything, as she’s in a great mood.  If it’s after 6, though, she mainly just likes eating and being carried around.  And bath time.  Newest love? Her glow-worm from Aunt Beth!  She fell in love with it on our trip to Dallas.  And a love anytime?  Outside time!  Sitting..strolling…walking in the Ergo…kicking on the patio…she loves it all.

Fin yawn in chair

What are some things you don’t love?

Diaper changes before you have eaten or in the middle of the night. Getting out of the bath tub. Getting lubed up after a bath. Having to wait to eat once you’ve decided you are hungry. Car rides if you don’t have someone in the back with you.

Finley on way to Bakers in car

What can you do?

Her newest talent is cooing and talking bath.  She’s quite the morning talker, and it’s totally adorable.  I’ve tried to get it on video, but every single time she sees the camera she deadpans and stops all activity.

Who has visited and watched you?

We haven’t had too many visitors lately, but that’s mainly because we’ve been busy.  We still haven’t had a babysitter to go out together, but we plan to in May for sure.

What are some of your nicknames?

Behind her back I call her ‘the titsucker’ a lot (awful, I know). I also call her Claire Bear…or boog…or diva.  And Fin, of course.

What are we looking forward to in the next month?

A lot!  We are going to the Buffalo this weekend, so we’ll get lots of family time then.  We also have a trip to TX planned for May, and a couple of birthday parties.  Besides that, hopefully we’ll stay busy with showing the house!  Wish us luck!

Fin for easter

Categories: Baby, Family, Friends, Kids | Tags: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

June 21st- Annoying things

June 21st Prompt-  What annoys you?

This was not the original prompt, but the original one was “tell me about another TTC blog and why I should read it,” and most of my readers are friends (I think) who are not actively TTC….so I changed it.  Plus, I’m annoyed right now, so I wanted to vent.  =)  Here is a list of 10 things that really annoy me.

1.  I hate fighting with the hubster.  It’s really not often that it happens anymore, but when it does it just kills me.  The thing that annoys me the most about it?  No matter what the fight is about…or who is to blame…I am ALWAYS (as in 100% of the time) the one who has to apologize and wave the white flag.  Seriously!  Maybe he didn’t do something he said he would…well, I have to apologize for not acknowledging other things he DID do….or the tone of voice I had when I asked him about it….or the timing of bringing it up….anything, really. It’s not fair, but I always do it because I’d rather have peace.

2.  Men who are rude to strangers, especially women.  The other night we went to the late show, and there was only one lady at the ticket counter.  I would guesstimate that there were around 15 people in line to buy tickets.  DH and I were about 3-4 back, and an older lady was solo in front of us.  Well, another theatre employee FINALLY opened a new line.  The lady in front of me didn’t notice, so I tapped her on the shoulder and said “you should jump in that line since the people in front of you are not. ”  You know…following the system like they do at the grocery store when they open another line and say “I can help whoever is next.”  Well….as we are moving to that line, a young guy from the back of the line jumps into the front of the line and whips out his money.  Normally, I would make a comment….so add to this my pregnancy  hormones and there was no way I wasn’t saying anything.  I just said (loud enough for him to hear me, of course), “Wow, that was really nice…such a polite young man” or something very similar.  He looked back and glared at me….then said “My girlfriend’s pregnant.”  I looked around and yes..there was a pregnant girl standing near him…in daisy dukes and an animal-print tank top.  I replied “Yeah?  Well I’m pregnant too…does that mean I get to cut in lines?”  I wanted to say a lot more, but I didn’t… rude.  It’d be different if we were in line for a cab or the bathroom or something….but an elective activity where she’s just gonna go sit anyway?  Whatever.

3.  People at work who cc: a million people on a dumb email.  Please, people….cc as needed, not to cover your ass or try to make someone look bad.  I usually just ignore this, but in cases where someone cc’s my CEO or VP and does anything to even bring into question my job performance, I will reply to all and attach documentation (emails/reports/data) that just makes you look like a dumbass.  It’s actually kind of fun to do that when deserved…but it annoying to have to deal with.

4.  People who constantly are trying to “Keep up with the Jones’s” and always have to know what something costs…or how much money you make…or what your bonus was….or how much your house was….or what you owe on your car…or what neighborhood you live in…or if you have an RV or a boat or a cabin or whatever.  These are the same people who bring up things ‘casually’ in conversation just to make them look like they have a lot more money than they really do.  You know, things like “Man, David’s  (their son) college tuition is just so high this year,” when I know…for fact…that they aren’t even paying a dime of David’s tuition….. but they bring it up ALL the time in groups of people.  These are the people who rarely post on facebook, but when they do it’s things like “I love my life- been at our second home all weekend and it’s been so relaxing”…when the second home is really the home of their cousin and they just stay there sometimes.  I could go on and on, but it’s just annoying.

5.  People who encourage you to do something you are not doing.  Now that I’m pregnant, this is SUPER annoying.  Example- I’m not drinking or smoking or having caffeine.  You cannot imagine the number of people who have practically pushed these things on me, saying things like “I drank a glass of wine everyday, and my baby was perfectly healthy,” or “If you use to do those things and don’t now, it could actually hurt your baby,” or “Seriously?  Caffeine is fine!”  I just want to scream, “You know what?  There are doctors out there who recommend not doing any of those things, so I’m not!  It’s my choice!”  But normally I just sit back and say something like “yeah, guess we’ll see how it goes.”

6.  Loud eaters.  I know, this is petty, but it honestly drives me absolutely crazy.  If we’re in a restaurant and/or there is a lot of background noise, then it’s not so bad.  But if we are having a dinner at our house….or if a couple of us are eating something and watching a movie….then it’s something that will grate my nerves until I just lose it.  Everything from the smacking…to the drinking like horse…to the spoon or fork hitting the bowl over and over and over again as you scrape up your rice….to the crunching….just kills me.  Sometimes I will literally create an excuse to get up and do something else, and sometimes (only to hubs) I will say something like “I know it’s a ridiculous request, but could you PLEASE stop scraping your plate?!?”

7.  Parents who ignore their kids when there are other parents around.  I see this a lot.  It’s like an excuse to let your kids go wild or something….I don’t get it.

8.  People who have total disregard for public restrooms.  Seriously….have some decency and clean up after yourself

9.  People who go to Sonic during Happy Hour and go through the drive-thru and order a large meal.  Come on, people…that line is for drinks/speed!

10. People who continuously (I’m talking like daily) post selfies on facebook/twitter/instagram/etc.  Seriously…you KNOW we know you took that, right?  Did you just sit in your car and think “Damn I look good today, I need to document this!”  Part of it is honestly just hilarous…but the other part is annoying.  Partially because I know what you really look like, lol


Categories: Blog Games, Family, Friends, Love of my life, Pop Culture | 3 Comments

June 1- Family Story

June Writing Prompts:

1. Family story – how did your parents meet, how many brothers/sisters, tell us what you want.

My parents met in Texas at a store called Ardan’s.  Ardan’s stores were similar to a Kohls or something like that, and from what my mom told me they use to be pretty popular.  My dad did construction after he left the Navy, and he use to travel around setting up these Ardan’s stores in the midwest.  He was working on a store in TX when he spotted a new-hire for that store…my mom.  She was young (around 21) and already divorced (no kids).  He was 15 years older, and divorced with three kids.  They hit it off and the rest is history.  They’ve been married around 35 years now, and they had two children together.

How many siblings do I have?  I always say 4, two brothers and two sisters.  Yes, three of them are technically my ‘half-siblings,’ but that doesn’t really matter to me.  In fact, I’m closest to my oldest sister out of all of them….and she’s my half-sister.  All of my siblings have kids (oldest son, Doug, has two….Mickey has three….Seth has three…and Jessica has one), so my already has 9 grandkids….not counting the kids I’ll be having someday.   Chris has four nieces and nephews on his side of the family, so between the two of us we have 13 nieces and nephews!  Yikes!

So yeah…that’s my fam, for better or worse.  =)


Categories: Blog Games, Family | 1 Comment

5 weeks 5 days

Today was my first ultrasound since I got pregnant. I was HOPING we could see a clearly formed embryo and hear a heartbeat, but we were just a little too early for that, sadly. At five weeks and change, the baby is about a millimeter long. That’s incredibly tiny and hard to see with even the best ultrasound equipment, so I shouldn’t feel discouraged that I couldn’t see much. Heck, the baby is supposed to be the size of a sesame seed about now, so that’s understandable I suppose.

sesame seed

What I DID get to see did make me feel better- BeBe Hottinger implanted in my uterus, which ruled out an ectopic pregnancy. This is common in IUIs I think (this is where the embryo implants anywhere other than the uterine wall, like the fallopian tube or down on the cervix or even IN an ovary), so I was a little worried about it. Ends up, Dr. P was too, which is why he had me come in so early to get checked out. He didn’t tell me b/c he didn’t want to worry me…but of course I read too much and was already worried enough. Anyway, no worries on a ectopic pregnancy, so YAY!!!! And since we couldn’t see much, Dr. P is letting us come back next Tuesday afternoon. Currently, this bebe is making developmental leaps and bounds by the hour like a damned GENIUS CHILD….so by next week we should see much more. =)

For now, I’m taking bits and pieces from other prego-bloggers out there whom I follow (such as PrettyCuteOVaries) and am going to start a weekly update for you. Some of it will be TMI, I promise, but I want to keep track. Sooooooooooooo………


How far along? 5 weeks 5 days

Total weight gain: -1.5 lbs {I’m not trying to lose weight at all right now…I’m chalking this up to eating more healthy since I found out I was preggers}

Maternity clothes? Not yet, but sometimes I feel like I could already use some pants, lol!  I am not one of those girls that gets a monthly bloat along with a period, so this bloating has my pants feeling tight already!

Stretch marks? Nope.  I already have some (on my boobs, since they grew overnight years ago), but no new ones yet.

Sleep: I have been exhausted for weeks, but unable to sleep much at night (like 4-5 hours at a time).  This week has actually been better so far and I’m sleeping 6-7 hours, finally.  Still exhausted.

Best moment this week: My first ultrasound today, although I was a little bummed we were too early to see/hear much.

Miss Anything? Diet Coke.  I KNOW I can have one a day if I want, but I went ahead and gave up all caffeine  a couple of weeks ago.  I’m sure I’ll have one when we are out late, but not yet.

Movement: Not yet….will probably be a while.

Food cravings: Gatorade and Chinese Food.  Random, I know.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Cigarette smoke.

Gender prediction: Who knows.

Labor Signs: No, thank you.

Symptoms: Fatigue, sore nips, bloat, occasional cramping, thirst and frequent urination.  I also have this one REALLY WEIRD and totally embarrassing thing that has been happening for the past couple of weeks.  I’ll wake up from a dead sleep and be having an orgasm.  You would think this was great, but right afterwards I have the most painful cramps (like laying in the fetal position crying for 20 minutes) and then I’m back and forth to the potty (#2) for several minutes.  It’s sooooo weird!  This has happened like 5 times in the past two weeks….and I’m telling you, this never happens.  I told the hubs last night and he told me to google it….and when I googled “1st trimester wake up to orgasm and then cramping” I found tons and tons of pregnant women who are also dealing with this.  How bizarre!  Guess this is one thing that can happen that people just don’t talk about?  Who knows.  I wouldn’t wish the cramping on my worst enemy.  Anyway, as long as I’m not bleeding and the pain goes away, the doc isn’t worried about it.

Belly Button in or out? In. I don’t see myself ever having an outty….

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty elated and happy most of the time!  I get tired and then grumpy at times, but I think I’m doing pretty good.

Looking forward to: Our ultrasound next Tuesday….

Categories: Family, Fertility Specialist, Pregnancy, Ultrasound, Uterus | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

RE: Loss

I’ve had a lot of people email me/message me/text me about my friend….thank you.  I’ve been having a difficult time with it, so I appreciate you checking in.

I went to the service yesterday- it was relatively short and sweet, although one of the pastors definitely milked the large crowd and tried to throw a mini-sermon into the mix.  That was annoying.  The other pastor…the one who talked more about my friend as a person and who she was…pretty much came out and told us that it was a suicide that took her life.  This makes it so much harder for me….I just can’t understand it at all.

After Chris fell asleep last night, I laid in bed and just cried and cried….just heartbroken.  I then jumped on my iPad and decided to look up all of my old emails to/from my friend….I don’t know what I was thinking.  My last email was from last summer and said something like “Hey girl….miss you…call/email/text me whenever you can!”  I never heard back.  The email before that was from late 2010 and was from my friend (in response to an email I had sent about being worried about her and pointing out behavior I had watched) and stated:

” I realize that I go through these crazy cycles.  My folks realize it too.  It seems to go in 1&1/2 -2 year cycles, and also in accordance with my getting on and getting off my depression meds over the years.  I’m not trying to make excuses, but I am trying to deal with it without the meds so I still feel like part of a person, and that’s been happening since high school. I just don’t think I’ve ever spoken much about it.   Your observations are eerily accurate (you know that), and I appreciate you not hesitating to lay things out there.  I don’t like my obvious cycles.  I am working on all this junk, along with alot of other stuff.  I have felt like I lost myself a long time ago,  I’m not the same person I was, and getting that back is very difficult.  I don’t like how I’ve felt for so long.  I don’t enjoy people not liking me, but that is all on the long list of stuff I have to suck up and try to figure out how to deal with.  I’m not trying to do the pity-party, that doesn’t do either one of us good.  I’m just seriously trying to deal with myself one day at a time.   Just know, I doubt I’ll ever think you’re out of line.  Also, I appreciate you writing me back, and saying everything you did.  I am trying to get my shit together, but I  know it’ll take awhile.  I would love to come by and visit, but I feel like I’m just a big bummer right now.  So, we might want to wait a little bit until I’m more on my feet.”

This was from Fall 2010….and then this week she takes her life?  How could things not have gotten better since then? It’s just so fucking sad…that’s all there is.  Could I have done more, yes.  And that sucks.  But I know it was up to her…I know that….

Anyway, I don’t generally like songs/poems that are told/played/on the brochures/etc of funerals, but this one I thought was very positive…she would have liked it:

Death is nothing at all,

I have only slipped into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other,

That we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name,

Speak to me in the easy way you always used

Put no difference into your tone,

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed

At the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was,

Let it be spoken without effort,

Without the ghost of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same as it ever was,

There is absolute unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind

Because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval,

Somewhere very near,

Just around the corner.

All is well

—Henry Scott Holland

Categories: Family, Friends | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

30 days of Thankfulness- Day 21

I’m in TX for work this week, so these are short and sweet…my apologies.  Plus, I’m getting a little sick of all of this thankfulness!  Maybe sometime soon I’ll do “30 days of Shittiness” and go through things that piss me off.  That would be fun.  =)

Anyway, today I am super thankful for company holidays.  I hoard my vacation days, so it’s so nice when I get a day or two or three off for ‘free’ to enjoy.  It’s even better when other companies are off as well, meaning I might actually get a break.

Today, I’m working a half-day and then I’m driving to my Aunt’s house in Winona, TX to meet up with her and her family….my PawPa….my mom and my hubby.  We’ll visit tonight and then have a big lunch tomorrow.  Mom, Chris and I will then hit the road back to AR so that we can meet up with one of my BFFs to see the AR vs LSU game on Friday.  FUN!

Categories: Blog Games, Family, football, Razorbacks | Leave a comment

TTC Questions…

I saw these on a fellow blogger’s post and thought they seemed appropriate for today….

1. What is a name that you LOVE but would never name your child?  My girl’s name use to be Isabella.  I LOVED it…but then Twilight came out, and Bellas started popping up out of nowhere.  It was ruined for me, which is sad, but I have since replaced my favorite girl’s name so I’m good now.  And no, I’m not sharing it yet!

2. What made you start your blog?  Dealing with infertility is harder than I ever would have imagined.  I started my blog to have an outlet, and to help keep people updated so that every time I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while we can talk about something BESIDES my issues.

3. What is your favorite thing to do in your free time?  Sleep.  Or go to the movies.  I don’t have a lot of free time…

4. Describe your best friend and what they mean to you.   I recently discovered that I don’t have a ‘best’ friend really.  I have several close friends, but there is not one person that I can always depend on 100% or talk about anything to.  I love my friends, though, and they mean the world to me!

5. What is your dream job?  Hmmm….I have yet to figure this one out.  I use to would have said “stay at home mom,” but the vast majority of stay at home moms I know aren’t really that happy.  Plus, I think I’d get bored after a while.  And I would have an issue with spending money and not really making any…but that’s just me. I guess maybe being a back-up dancer would be my dream.  LOL

6. If infertility and finances were not an issue, how many children would you ideally want to have?  This one is hard to answer too, because the answer has changed so much over the years!  Since I don’t have any kids yet, all I know is that something is missing.  Maybe one child will fill that void, but I don’t think so.  I’m thinking 3 or 4.

7. What is your all time favorite book?  The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle.  First book I loved, so will always love.

8. What is the funniest/most interesting thing about yourself?  Funniest?  Interesting?  Hmmmm.  I got ran over by a tractor when I was four….and since I was ok, it’s pretty funny

9. What is your favorite time of year?  Fall…when the trees start to change and it’s in the 70s

10. Who is your favorite celebrity and who is the most overrated celebrity?  Favorite?  Will Ferrell.  Most overrated?  Any of the Baldwin brothers.

11. What is one thing you have gained since TTC?  Weight.

Categories: Blog Games, Family, Friends, Kids, Love of my life, Pop Culture, TTC, Work | Leave a comment

Day 8 of Thanks….

I am thankful for text messaging.  A few of the reasons I love texting so much:


  • I’m not a big phone talker, so texting keeps me in better contact with some people, like my mom.  I was SO happy the day she learned to text!  it took her a while to get the hang of it, but now we text every single day and I don’t have to talk on the phone.  You see, I hate talking on the phone during the work day…I’m busy and distracted and it’s really just a disruption to whatever I’m working on.  I don’t mind talking on the phone on my way home, but once I’m home you’ll be hard pressed to get me to pick up the phone
  • Texting gives you/your fellow texter a minute or two to respond to something.  If someone wants to hang out and they call me, I have to try to figure out if we are open that day….and if so, if I really want to do anything or not (as my ‘free’ days are rare).  If they text me, I can check my calendar…run it by Chris…and then respond.  No pressure
  • Since I’m in meetings a lot, if someone calls me and I can’t answer, they can just text me if it’s important and I can deal with it vs waiting until I get out of the meeting and checking messages/returning calls/etc.  I guess you could just say accessibility is better?
  • Sharing picture/funny e cards/etc….I get some and they make me smile, and I send some that I know make people smile.  Win win


I’m sure there are more, but I’ve got to get back to work- big meeting this afternoon.  Fingers crossed!

Categories: Blog Games, Family, Texting, Work | Leave a comment

Retroverted Uterus

Ultrasound is over, now waiting on the doc appointment to see next steps.  I was at 1.85 today, which means I’m growing about 1 mm a day.  Tomorrow would be 1.9…so I’m guessing trigger shot tomorrow and IUI Friday.  I should know soonish….whenever I can see the doctor…

As I was watching the ultrasound tech type up the notes on me this afternoon, I noticed she said that I had a “retroverted uterus.”  WTF

I was really nervous when I read that, as I have a friend who told me she has a ’tilted’ uterus and that it caused her several issues, so I asked Sarah what it means/why she put that/etc.  She said that in most women, when they stand up their uterus leans slightly forward.  In my case, my uterus leans towards my back.  She said about 20% of women have this and that it in no way causes or affects infertility.  It can affect childbirth, but that’s not the norm.  I’m going to have to research this when I get out of here.  Weird that it hasn’t been mentioned before, right?

I can already see that I’m not going to be very productive this afternoon if when I go back to the office.  My mind is elsewhere.

Ok- saw the doctor.  Here’s the scoop- I am at 1.85 today, which is right on track per the ‘norm’ for how much you grow daily.  Doc expects me to be at 2 by sometime tomorrow.  I am suppose to give myself the trigger shot tomorrow (10am was his suggestion…I hope I can make myself give it to myself!) and then we go to the doc on Friday afternoon for the deposit/IUI.  Dr. P went on and on about what a beautiful follicle I had…very plump and round.  You know…like your mom.  LOL..kidding…had to.  But really, he said at LEAST 3 times how beautiful it was.  =)  Fingers crossed!


Categories: Family, IUI, TTC, Uterus | Leave a comment

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